


The Elephant in the Kitchen

by Kittyknowsthings



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - All Media Types, Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, GFY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 09:55:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24469078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittyknowsthings/pseuds/Kittyknowsthings
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley clash on decorating the cottage kitchen.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 37
Collections: Name That Author Round Two





	The Elephant in the Kitchen

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Round 2 of the Name that Author Game on the Good Omens Events Discord Server. 
> 
> Thanks to minervamoon for help with the title!

If one looked at Crowley and Aziraphale and their sense of aesthetics – their clothing, their homes - one would assume that them trying decorate a shared home, like, say, a cottage in the South Downs, would be a fraught endeavour.

One would be mistaken.

They both liked plush carpets and wooden floors.

Aziraphale's philosophy on walls mostly amounted to "if you can see the actual wall, then there's still space for more bookshelves", and since Crowley's throne and marble desk looked just as imposing, if not more so, when surrounded by said bookshelves, and reading material near the bed were likely to entice the Angel to stay near it even when not in the mood for sleeping himself, the demon hardly minded that the shelves were inevitably going to invade his study and their bedroom as well.

Crowley's art collection got first choice of display space with only a perfectly enjoyable amount of bickering on placement.

Aziraphale, in turn, had only requested the conservatory, which was going to house the plants, have some comfortable seating for them both and some shelf or side table with enough space to put down two teacups or mugs of cocoa, which Crowley had been more than delighted to grant.

The Bentley’s garage was ceded to Crowley's sense of style entirely, and the bathroom tiles found themselves with a subtle botanical pattern that depicted, only recognizable from up close, rather poisonous plants.

Since Crowley truly loved the bookshop - nearly every square inch of it - he didn't really mind modeling most of the cottage's interior on it.

The one exception was the bookshop's kitchenette.

The wallpaper had been there since at least the early 19th century and bore a stolen Oberkampf design – "It wasn't stolen, the concept of copyright didn't exist yet!", Aziraphale would argue – The Four Parts of the World, printed rather unevenly.

Some sections were faint, others so over-inked they'd smudged.

One of the more legible parts showed what was supposed to be an elephant, but had none of the charm of a real one.

Crowley had categorically refused getting drunk in there, because "that elephantasm is STARING at me, Angel, with true malice, and drunk Crowley will probably try to fight it", and whenever Aziraphale made tea, the demon would study the wallpaper's details and then criticize them

Aziraphale would argue with him until the tea was ready, and then shoo him back to his office, two cups of tea in hand.

The couch was more comfortable, anyway.

He had thought – perhaps hoped – that Aziraphale was fond more of the little ritual than the wallpaper itself.

Apparently, he had been wrong about that.

"Anathema told me they're doing reprints of Oberkampf's designs nowadays, wouldn’t that be great for the kitchen?”

The angel sounded genuinely thrilled and looked at Crowley expectantly.

"Really, Angel?" Crowley asked, his tone pleading, but really already resigning himself to looking at that same monstrosity of an elephant for another few centuries; "Well, I suppose it’s grown on me by now."

He would at least firmly put his foot down on getting a properly even print this time. No smudges. No faint bits.

"It ... has?" Aziraphale asked, and Crowley folded.

"No, but I will gladly live with it if it means you're living with me."

Aziraphale let out a long, whooshing breath of – relief?

"Thank Goodness. I hated that wallpaper, anyway."

Crowley's head snapped back up to stare at the Angel.

“You did?”

“From the beginning. I meant to replace it, but then arguing about it became ...” Aziraphale trailed off, searching for the right word. 

“A thing?” Crowley suggested.

“A thing,” Aziraphale echoed softly.

For a while, they fondly gazed at each other like the saps they were.

Then Crowley's brain caught up and he did a delayed double-take:

"Wait, then why did you suggest it for the cottage kitchen at all?"

A full bastard grin blossomed on Aziraphale’s face.

"We may have retired, but I've still got to keep my adversary on his toes, don't I?"

**Author's Note:**

> The Design - including the Elephantasm - is real, and can be viewed in HD here:  
> https://collection.cooperhewitt.org/objects/18439403/
> 
> It and other Oberkampff designs were also frequently "stolen" and used on knock-off productions.  
> (I have never met a research rabbit hole I didn't joyfully jump down, though "history of wallpaper" was an unexpected one!)


End file.
